Brian Jet James
February 18th, 2009

Brian James (bass)

I have played bass longer than my girlfriend has been alive. (no joke) I have released exactly 0 albums. I have been on exactly 0 real tours. In the 90’s I opened for a bunch of 90’s punk bands. (fail) I believe my musical high point was when Joanna Newsom opened up for one of my bands at an all girl college. She became famous, I worked at the Learning Annex. (fail) I wanted to name this band one of two names “Tsunami Beach Club” (epic) or “Tha Puszay FuKKKahz” (epic-er), Conan said no (dick). I leave you with some words of wisdom…

It’s the fastest who gets paid and it’s the fastest who gets laid.

When life gives you lemons, just say fuck the lemons and bail.

They should make a Hallmark movie about my life. You know who’d be perfect to play me? Optimus Prime – but with a moustache.